As an evolving man endeavouring to become more conscious and aware of my conditioning and break free of my unhealthy patterns. I’ve made more sense of what healthy masculinity is to me, and now something has profoundly changed me. I have learned to access my feminine feeling side and become more balanced within myself.
We all have varying masculine and feminine dynamics within us. Identifying mine has given me many insights into my relationship with the feminine and interactions with women. I strongly believe after many years of suppression in our culture the feminine is making resurgence. I see many changes happening around the world that reflect this. I am also seeing unconscious and conscious resistance to this change, especially from men. It’s one of the roles of the healthy masculine to support this feminine re-emergence, to help bring more balance to our world. I take this responsibility personally.
My relationship to the feminine was very unhealthy. Much of it was due to beliefs picked up in my life journey. It was also due to collective conditioning. As I’ve become more aware of my interactions with the feminine, I cringe at the things I have done and still find myself doing. In the past I always felt mistrust towards the feminine, whether that be in the women I interact with or in my own feelings. In my working life I have been a tradesman. I would feel resistant to being served by a woman at a trades counter, or discussing job specs with women. If a car cut me off in traffic or was slow and erratic I would assume it was a women driver.
The way I handled my sexual energy was just as unconscious. I often projected sexual energy towards women and disguised it as something else. Male sexual energy by nature is very penetrative. When it is not fully owned it often leaks out in unhealthy ways, especially towards the feminine and women.
Women say they feel stalked by men’s eyes wherever they go. There is the stealth, the furtive look away quickly if she notices. Then there is the blatant intimidating mental undressing. Women are objectified so much in the media, in the past I have been desensitized to feeling this was ok.
A woman I admire and who has taught me much told me,” If I catch a man looking at me and when I meet his eyes he quickly looks away, it feels like he has taken something from me. If he holds my gaze with presence and smiles, showing me how I make him feel, it feels like he has given me a gift, reflecting my beauty back to me”.
The statistical evidence around domestic violence and sexual abuse towards women is shocking. I’m surprised to hear men retaliating with statistics for men being abused and violated in relationships. Guys, I don’t doubt for a moment this is true. But do we really need to divert attention from or compete around who is right? There are better things we can do as men.
The women’s liberation movement pushed back strongly against patriarchy. In essence, this is not about hating men. . Men must learn the history and understand. Women’s rights and the collective feminine were strongly suppressed for centuries, and still are in many countries. The deeper you hold a cork underwater the faster and higher it will rise above the water when released. Nature always finds a way back to healthy balance and we need to come back to healthy balance. Our world desperately needs it.
Suppressing a person’s sexuality is one way of removing their sense of self, power and creativity. Sexual energy, life force energy, creativity –whatever you call it–is a powerful and motivating force.
Women’s sexuality was actively suppressed for many years, still is in many places around the world.
Which facts do I want other men to be aware of? In some countries women are still denied an education and basic human rights. Women are not being allowed to wear clothing that shows any part of their body. Many have their clitoris surgically removed while just a child, and experience systemic rape during warfare. The horror list goes on.
There are many things I can do to support the feminine resurgence into our world. I do not advocate men being shamed or belittled around this imbalance, but we need to step up. The world desperately needs the healthy balanced masculine. Men we need to recognise the imbalance and move forward with women and the feminine. We live in a time where we are more connected to each other than any other in history. Great change and upheaval is happening in our midst, the era of control and manipulation is being tested. I am hopeful we are evolving towards a future where community and balance will re-establish itself.
Examples of feminine re-emergence include awareness around how we impact our environment, and the move to cleaner energy technologies. More balanced humanitarian leadership is emerging in some places, above manipulation, control and suppression. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama display healthy masculine and feminine aspects.
In contrast Donald Trump embodies the resistance making a last stand for patriarchy and control. He also represents the collective unconscious. In fact, he appealed to the unconscious fearful and represents what many think but would not say out loud. It’s been suppressed and festering in the darkness. Being a smart marketer, Trump fed the unconscious fears of the American population, until the collective spoke silently in the ballot boxes that which they could not express in the open.
As one man in this world it’s the small changes I make as I become more aware, that will contribute to a collective re-balance. Being more conscious in interactions with women and men, speaking up when I need to instead of remaining silent. I will honour and support the feminine within myself; my feeling side, intuition and compassion. I also stay present to and support my healthy masculine. I honour and respect the women I interact with and – this feels the most important to me in this moment, offer a sincere heartfelt apology to the collective feminine even if it’s just to honour that part of me that needed healing.
It’s time to honour the feminine and move back to more balance.