WHAT CAVE DO YOU FEAR TO ENTER.
Life feels safe when I play small. But I’m over it.
I’ve played small for most of my life. I didn’t want to stand out or draw attention to myself. Sure it’s safe, but I have discovered that the truly alive moments in my life, when I’ve experienced profound realisations, all arose through being outside that comfort zone, in full vulnerability.
It seems ironic, but huge openings of feeling alive, more centred in my being and heart have been the result of letting go of control. I wish I had known this sooner. The cost of feeling safe was my potential.
I have worn introversion like a badge of honour. Jailing myself in an enclosure of what I perceived that to mean. Introverts don’t lead they stay in the background.
In the last five years I have journeyed on a path of self-discovery. I discovered a field that speaks to my soul at a deep level. Sexuality and relating, an area that I was extremely uncomfortable around for a large part of my life.
“The treasure you seek lies in the cave you fear to enter”. This was true for me. Now I have discovered something that truly makes me feel alive. I’m helping people open up to embodiment, pleasure and letting go of unresolved feelings and unhelpful dogma. Just as I did for myself.
Do I believe the world needs more comfort and acceptance around sexuality? I do. My personal power is rooted in healthy relationship to my sexuality. Combined with self-love and an open heart, I’ve discovered anything is possible.
If you want to control somebody or take away their sense of self power, introduce shame and guilt around something as natural as sexuality. But suppressed sexuality is like anything else pushed into the shadows, it pops up in unhealthy ways.
Starting this journey I was apprehensive about the people I might meet, thinking I would not fit in. I’ve been relieved to find and become part of a tribe I love. Open hearts and acceptance seem endemic among people who own their sexuality. Many have done the hard work and taken a good look at their inner world. I’ve begun to wonder how our world would look if this was the norm. This vision makes me realise there is a bigger picture. I need to step up and be seen.
My introversion may be the gift. I’m self-aware, feeling-based and empathetic; all qualities of leadership. Could I be meant to lead? I can no longer wait and wonder.
Yes, my mind still runs commentary of fear and self-doubt. But I realise my mind is just a tool to help me perform tasks. It’s least useful function is as a mentor to listen to.
Through this work I am more in my body, where a truer intelligence resides. My heart is my compass when I get lost. I need to stay open to its subtle language. I have learned many amazing practices that assist the body to open. Through these tools I feel more awareness in my body. Now I pass these on to others so they may open to more pleasure, feeling and different experiences in their sexual lives.
Opening my body to more feeling has been life changing. I’ve become aware of hidden inner qualities. Empathic feeling is a gift when working with others. Combined with intuition they are my gauges into another’s world, often far more reliable than spoken language.
Part of sharing my gifts is step up and be seen. It feels uncomfortable to say that but the darkness of the cave beckons again. I now know that this is my path and through stepping into my challenges, I can help others to do the same.